I’ve been fighting back crippling anxiety for a week now. I’ve tried to explain what my anxiety feels like before, but my words don’t seem to accurately define it. I am going to keep trying, though.
My Picture of Anxiety
- Checking my email inbox obsessively to see if my boss’s boss approved of my work.
- Feeling like a did 30 minutes of cardio when I’m just sitting in my chair. Heart pounding, shallow breathing, body aching.
- Knowing I need to complete my to-do list, but not being able to focus, and then feeling ashamed that I can’t check off my priorities.
- Counting calories and steps with a fear I won’t meet my goals.
- Snapping at my husband because he asked how I am feeling.
- Panicking when I realized I booked a non-refundable trip.
- Clicking Buy Now on Amazon because a book or a dress might make me feel better.
- Being proud that I was able to leave the house for 20 minutes.
- Spending an hour talking myself up so I can leave the house for 20 minutes.
- Sleeping because I’m exhausted, but having to take Klonopin to help me sleep.
- Dreaming about trauma and failure.
- Withdrawing from my family.
- Cancelling a trip to the city to see friends because I can’t imagine getting on a train.
- Wishing I could spend the day in bed, but feeling obligated to close my Apple Watch rings so that nothing bad happens.
- Saying the same prayer every night so nothing bad happens.
- Feeling like I’m walking in a razor-covered high wire.