Book Review: A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings
A Five-Star Book

Tia Levings’s A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy is an incredible memoir that shows years of struggle and the challenges of coming back from a deeply damaged belief system. She combines her strong narrative voice with honest, introspective prose about her religious trauma. This memoir was not an easy read. It is full of domestic violence, gaslighting, and corruption, but Levings shows a courageous spirit that engaged me from the start.

Summary of A Well-Trained Wife (some spoilers)

Tia recounts her adolescent involvement in a conservative Christian fundamentalist community and her marriage to Alan at 19 years old. Despite Alan’s abuse before they married, Tia believed she was fulfilling her place as a “pure bride” andChristian woman. Their marriage is filled with domestic violence as Alan sinks deeper into fundamentalism and demands her subservience. With the birth of her children, Tia finds assumes her role as a trad wife in order to survive. This makes it even more difficult to leave Alan, who indoctrinates her to be submissive and silent. He implements Bill Gothard’s teachings from the Institute of Basic Life Principles, enacting deeply disturbing, brutal punishments, and surrounds Tia and her children with others who hold similar beliefs.

Tia escapes this life and saves her children’s lives with the help of others, but that is not the end to her story. Once free from Alan and an abusive religious community, she must rediscover who she is by unravelling decades of spiritual and physical abuse and exploring her freedom.

“Wasn’t I too messed up to really get there? Wouldn’t I always be a little flinchy and scarred? Always be damaged? I wanted a Self. I wanted to heal. To become a non-reactive adult who no longer felt pressured to obey someone’s rules in order to be loved.”

Tia Levings

A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy

What I Loved About A Well-Trained Life

A Well-Trained Wife is a gift to readers, especially if you are curious about the bastardized fundamentalist interpretation of Christianity. For me, this book was an important, timely choice because of the Trump administration’s alliance to Christian nationalism (Lawrence Davidson, 2024). Here are a few reasons why I see this memoir as a must-read.

• The Voice: Tia’s voice impacted me from the start. She doesn’t waver from her commitment to tell the truth about her religious journey, starting from her early adolescence in a conservative Christian megachurch community. She does not sugarcoat or sensationalize her experiences. Her writing is clear, with an unflinching look into her life. She is transparent about the grief and post-trauma stress that she had to unravel in order to survive.
• The Story: Tia’s 11-year marriage is full of violence and trauma. She faces an internal battle of leaving her known community and starting over. From choosing to marry Alan despite his early abuse to raising four children on a homestead in Tennessee, Tia gives a close-up view of an abused woman’s experience. She explores the influences on her life, from Bill Gothard’s teachings to the impact of other women’s advice on fulfilling her role as wife and mother to the popularity of “trad wife” life in popular culture (example: Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar). She details her empowerment when she joins an online community of women who value her voice and give her strength.
• The Outcomes: The story does not stop when Tia leaves her husband. A Well-Trained Wife presents the struggles she faced upon returning to her parents’ home in Florida. She does not wrap up her narrative with a tidy ending, instead showing that joining mainstream society is not simple or easy. She recounts how she finally reclaimed her life and challenged herself to write a new narrative about who she wanted to be.
• The Empowerment: As her journey evolves, Tia relies on knowledge and a curiosity about religions across the world. She uses her writing skills to deconstruct her belief system and to establish her autonomy.

Final Thoughts

Tia Levings’s memoir is more than an account of her escape from Christian fundamentalism; it is about becoming a woman and defining her worth. In beautifully written prose, Tia shows her bravery by surviving immense abuse and choosing to protect herself and her children. She illustrates how her story did not end when she left her abusive husband and a corrupt, warped interpretation of Christianity. This book left its mark on me, especially as I learned more about Tia’s advocacy against religious trauma. To learn more about what she’s doing now, visit tialevings.com.

Have you read this memoir? What did you think? Are you interested in stories like Tia’s?