When we’re young, there’s this pervasive belief that by the time we hit 40, we’ll have everything sorted out. It’s a notion ingrained in us, perhaps from observing our parents or society’s expectations or all those movies we watched as kids. But, as we grow older, these assumptions don’t match up to reality. At least for me.

As a kid, I admired how effortlessly my parents seemed to navigate life’s complexities. By the time they were in their 40s, they had already raised two children, welcomed a new surprise baby (me), maintained careers, and managed their household with apparent ease. Their daily routines were structured, their responsibilities clear-cut. My mom was the epitome of a great homemaker. Our house was the fun house while remaining immaculate with a pantry stocked for any occasion. Meanwhile, my dad balanced hard work with being present for our family every day.

Compared to their apparent mastery of adulthood, I am at a loss. Parenthood, marriage, homeownership – each feels like an insurmountable challenge, leaving me overwhelmed by inadequacy. Work consumes my thoughts, leaving little room for anything else. While it provides financial security, the sense of fulfillment I crave remains elusive. There is no work/life balance here. There is no balance, period.

New generations make fun of Boomers, but as a young Generation Xer, I wonder: How why did life seem so effortless to them? Was it out of necessity, or did they genuinely desire the life they built? Was it ambition or circumstance?

I realize that having it all figured out by 40 is a myth. Life is messy, unpredictable, and constantly evolving. Right now, I have to figure out the day-by-day and not focus on the big decisions. Maybe that’s how my parents treated things too: little steps to make a big life work. I’m not naive enough to say that while they appeared to have everything under control, they too faced their own challenges and uncertainties.

Even though I’m a perfectionist who is constantly compares herself to an idealized Pinterest version of career woman/mother, I know that goal is a myth. Instead of striving for perfection or expecting an idealized version of adulthood, I should embrace the journey, allow myself to falter, and perhaps redefine my priorities along the way. Realize I won’t have all answers, but I can show courage and resilience.

In the end, we’re all just trying to find our way in this chaotic and beautiful journey called life. And perhaps, in embracing our own unique path, we’ll discover that having it all figured out was never the goal – it was the journey itself that mattered most.