Month: June 2022

Overthinking About You: A Read-Along

Mental health is a passion for me. I struggle with severe mental illness (SMI), as I’ve shared on here before. But mental illness doesn’t just impact the diagnosed; it impacts their loved ones and anyone close to them.

Mental health and relationships come with their own sets of challenges. I am so grateful for my husband who supports my mental health journey and who is my unbending advocate.

That’s why I was excited to participate in The Tandem Collective Global’s real-along for the book Overthinking About You: Navigating Romantic Relationships When You Have Anxiety, OCD, and/or Depression by Allison Raskin (Workman Publishing). This read-along was a great way to immersive myself in the book and answer questions about my contributions to my marriage while dealing with SMI.

What I Liked about Overthinking About You

I loved the thoughtfulness of this book. Ms. Raskin writes with a warmth and honest approach about anxiety, OCD, and depression, and how to navigate relationships while you have a mental illness. Another quote that hit me hard: “I might not feel this way or see the world this way, but I acknowledge and respect that you do” (p. 90).

This book is practical advice, research from experts, and nuggets of wisdom. While Overthinking About You is written from the standpoint of new and relatively new relationships, I found the discussions about anxiety and conversations about mental health applicable to my marriage. My husband is incredible, but I know my mental health puts challenges on our relationship. And that’s on me.

Activities in the Read-Along

As I completed the read-along, I highlighted passages and filled my notebook pages with resonating words. Here are three statements that rang incredibly true for me:

  • A useful acronym to respond to anxiety – “STOP: Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed” (p. 40).
  • “It’s a lot more reasonable to ask someone to weather a storm with you when you already have a strong foundation” (p. 59).

And my absolute favorite:

“None of us are Superman, and that’s a good thing.”

Allison Raskin, Overthinking About You (p. 78)

Another activity asked about your healing rituals. Here are some of mine:

  • Sit outside with my husband.
  • Go for a long walk, ideally while listening to an audiobook.
  • Take a hot shower.
  • Pet my dog.
  • Let myself have a good cry.

Also, I liked the read-along activity that asked us to think about our senses and what awakens them. I came up with these:

  • Seeing the bright colors of tulips and the Northern Lights
  • Tasting a delicious dessert
  • Smelling a great perfume, coffee beans, and fresh-cut grass

Final Thoughts

Ms. Raskin understands the importance of mental health, and she writes from a place of honesty and realism. This book isn’t full of broad-stroke advice that you’d see on a motivational Pinterest board. Instead, it’s a thoughtful look at how you can manage your mental health, specifically anxiety, OCD, and/or depression, and be in a positive romantic relationship.

I’m happily married to a wonderful man who supports me and my mental health. While some of Ms. Raskin’s messages were solely for people in the dating stage, I still took away some great points about how I must communicate what I need when I’m struggling and how I can take hold of my own mental health in relation to my marriage.

Overall, this is a 5-star book for me, and I highly recommend if you struggle with mental health and are/want to be/have been in a relationship. It’s a great read with a long-lasting message!

Two quotes I’ll end with:

  • “There is power in knowing you are not going to change your morals in reaction to pain” (p. 193).
  • “No matter what happens, my life is in good hands. They just happen to be my own” (p. 196).

What’s the Cover Story?

Cover Story by Susan Rigetti

A 4⭐️ Review

Cover Story by Susan Rigetti is described as a “Netflix’s ‘Inventing Anna’ and Hulu’s ‘The Dropout’ meets Catch Me If You Can,” and I think that comparison was spot-on for me. I listened to this book and definitely enjoyed it. The characters are well-crafted, the story is interesting, and the format is unique. It’s a story about a con-artist Cat Wolff and naïve college student Lora Ricci, and I was fully engaged in the fast-paced story as I learned about Cat’s antics and Lora’s desperate desire to be part of the New York City literature and fashion magazine scene.

This is an epistolary novel, composed with emails, texts, and diary entries. I haven’t read many novels like this, and it was a refreshing format to listen to on audiobook. Particularly, I think that the epistolary format added to the story, and it wasn’t a trope that an author would use to make a book stand out.

Do you consider yourself people-savvy, even if they’re lying? I’m admittedly not. I think people are inherently good and have been duped because of it a few times.

P.S. If you haven’t watched Inventing Anna, you definitely should! Now The Dropout is on my want-to-watch list.

Spending a Day with Dava Shastri

Dava Shastri’s Last Day by Kirthana Ramisetti

A five-star book review

If you could find out what people say about you after you die, would you want to do so?

Confession: I did lot know if I was going to rate Dava Shastri’s Last Day as a five-star read until the last few chapters. This debut novel by Kirthana Ramisetti is a character study of a determined, complicated woman who has taken her fate into her own hands, determined to enact her own decisions before cancer does it for her. But, she discovers that prematurely announcing her death has lasting effects on her children. That is the premise for this book, but its pages are filled with so much more.

What I Liked about Dava Shastri’s Last Day

  • The premise – I think it’s natural to want to know what people say about you when you’re not there. Unless you’re one of those completely self-assured individuals who can genuinely say, “Screw them,” that question is always at the back of your mind. But, hearing your eulogy or legacy amps up that experience. Dava read, listened to, and witnessed others’ responses to her death, and some of it surprised her, not in a positive way.
  • Dava – The protagonist of this novel isn’t necessarily a likable character. She’s deeply driven, a bit egotistical, and extremely controlling. But, as her last day unfolds and we learn more about her past and how those events influenced her life, I started to empathize with her. Revealing more of her experience would give away spoilers, so I’ll just say that her story is complex and full of emotion.
  • The children – Much like their mother, the Shastri-Persson children aren’t lovable characters at first encounter. They run the spectrum of deeply committed to Dava’s foundations and work (daughter Sita) to wandering through life courtesy of their trust funds (son Rev). The children attribute their lives and their own decisions to Dava’s influence, and they’re not wrong. Their mother is a force in their lives, but as I made my way through this book, I found myself rooting for their growth and own decision-making.
  • The philanthropy: Dava made her billions in music, first as a producer and then as an investor in an iPod-like device. But her real impact comes from her foundations. Likable or not, Dava is a philanthropist who wants to support artists, especially women. She wants to make an impact with her money, and I admire that.

Dava Shastri’s Last Day was a surprising read for me. The more I read, the more I became invested in the stories of Dava and her children. A complex novel about family, secrets, and ambition, it’s a book that left me thinking about my own legacy, and that makes it a five-star read.

The Importance of Moxie

Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu
A 5⭐️ Book

I heard about Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu when the Netflix movie with Amy Poehler released and eagerly bought the novel, but like so many books on my TBR, it got pushed down in the stack.

I added Moxie to my 22 in 2022 challenge list and definitely knew I wanted to read it soon. So, searching for an audiobook to keep me motivated for my workouts last week, I decided to listen to this one and check it off my list.

Friends, I was wrong to have waited so long. This book is fantastic! A YA novel about high school girls taking back their agency and using their voices to stand up against sexual harassment and violence? Yes, please!

What I Loved about Moxie

  • The Message: I couldn’t help but think about my high school experiences while listening to this book. I was the target of several instances of sexual harassment. One moment in the library continues to haunt me. I didn’t stand up for myself out of embarrassment, but I wish I had. This book gives inspiration to young girls, and I want my daughters to read it so they know that they are empowered to stand up for themselves, if they ever experience sexual harassment, and that I will stand and fight with them.
  • The Characters: I loved the protagonist Vivian and how she gained inspiration to show moxie from her mom’s ‘90s Riot Grrrl past. I loved Lucy and Claudia. I loved Vic’s mom and grandparents. But most of all, I loved the message of this book: that girls can do anything.
  • The Setting: Moxie is set in a small town in Texas, and being a girl from Nebraska farm country, I could relate to the small-town politics and experiences.

Now that I’ve finished the book, I definitely want to watch the Netflix version of Moxie. I hope that it stays true to the novel!

What Anxiety Looks Like

I’ve been fighting back crippling anxiety for a week now. I’ve tried to explain what my anxiety feels like before, but my words don’t seem to accurately define it. I am going to keep trying, though.

My Picture of Anxiety

  • Checking my email inbox obsessively to see if my boss’s boss approved of my work.
  • Feeling like a did 30 minutes of cardio when I’m just sitting in my chair. Heart pounding, shallow breathing, body aching.
  • Knowing I need to complete my to-do list, but not being able to focus, and then feeling ashamed that I can’t check off my priorities.
  • Counting calories and steps with a fear I won’t meet my goals.
  • Snapping at my husband because he asked how I am feeling.
  • Panicking when I realized I booked a non-refundable trip.
  • Clicking Buy Now on Amazon because a book or a dress might make me feel better.
  • Being proud that I was able to leave the house for 20 minutes.
  • Spending an hour talking myself up so I can leave the house for 20 minutes.
  • Sleeping because I’m exhausted, but having to take Klonopin to help me sleep.
  • Dreaming about trauma and failure.
  • Withdrawing from my family.
  • Cancelling a trip to the city to see friends because I can’t imagine getting on a train.
  • Wishing I could spend the day in bed, but feeling obligated to close my Apple Watch rings so that nothing bad happens.
  • Saying the same prayer every night so nothing bad happens.
  • Feeling like I’m walking in a razor-covered high wire.

Unbound: The Story of #MeToo

Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement by Tarana Burke

A Five-Star Book

Tarana Burke is an activist and the founder of the Me Too Movement that opened the door for thousands of women to finally raise their voices and share their stories of sexual abuse, violence, and harassment. Ms. Burke is a powerhouse, a woman who stands for so many BIPOC, for so many women and girls who do not have the words or the voices to speak up. She empowers us all to speak up and calls for the end of the horrors of sexual assault.

Ms. Burke begins her memoir by sharing the morning when her words, Me Too, became a viral hashtag that finally gave a voice to the silent suffering. But her memoir is much more than a recounting of how Me Too began. It is a vulnerable, painfully real story of truth that began when she was sexually assaulted as a child. With her truth, Ms. Burke shines a light on the meaning of #metoo, demonstrating that it’s not just a hashtag but a highly nuanced movement to hold others accountable for sexual violence.

As a Black woman, Ms. Burke explains how Black culture addresses sexual violence under a lens of not just taking care of others but with caution because of the countless Black men who have been violently accused and condemned and murdered by whites. This feels so wrong yet so relevant to what has happened in the U.S. for centuries. Her explanation was both vivid and heartbreaking.

Much of Unbound is about Ms. Burke’s realization that others have experienced the same type of pain and suffering. Their stories helped her to find her voice, and she returns that gift to others. This book is raw, honest, and brutal. But it is hopeful as well, as she encourages us to speak out and give others our voices.

I am thankful for Ms. Burke’s activism, her voice, and her courage to share her story. I do not yet have all the words for what violence and scars I carry in my past, but one day I will share my #metoo story. I hope it gives others’ strength to do the same.